Unleashing Spa-tacus

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a salon. “What d’ya you want?” blurts out the salon owner from behind her nail station. “Uh, a manicure,” says the blonde in a shaky voice. “A pedicure!” bellows the brunette defiantly. “My back waxed,” says the redhead, rather matter-of-factly. A hush falls over the salon as every woman in the salon (and the one gay guy) turn to gawk at the three burly men standing in the reception area.

If you’ve found yourself victim to SGSD (straight guy salon discrimination), then look no further than these male-friendly spas and grooming spots for a slice of bliss to call your own.

Face Space

My husband once had me shave the back of his neck. The result was an erratic hairline and a flaming red neck, both of which had me in hysterics. He, however, failed to see the humor in it (he’s from West Virginia, that’s funny. Gaaah). For an expert shave, skin prodding or other above-the-neck treatment, check out V’s Barbershop, where clients get a complimentary neck cleanup with any service. The best deal in this old-timey men’s hangout is The Whole Deal package, which includes a shampoo, haircut, shave, facial with a mask and hot towel treatment, upper bod massage, shoeshine and a gentle nudge when it’s time for you to wake up. Six locations Valleywide. www.vbarbershop.com.

Bod God

I envy the male species for one thing (no, I don’t have penis envy, trust me): their unquestioning body acceptance. Beer gut, back hair or otherwise, boys strut their stuff like a middle-aged woman with new set of double-Ds. At Dolce Barber & Spas, they take body adulation to a new level. Dedicated solely to male pampering, this spa slings up a slew of beer-spiked face and body treatments — the Steam Porter Shave and Double Bock Facial to name a few. Athletes should give the one-hour Scotch Ale Golf Massage a shot, where the therapist fuses reflexology, stretching and heated golf balls to invigorate even the tightest muscles. Locations in Chandler and Arrrowhead. www.dolcebarberspa.com.

Hands and Hooves

Call me callous but gosh darn, I love it when a guy wanders into my neighborhood nail haunt. Every bubbling conversation stops dead in its tracks as we all pause to size up the guy who has dared invade our estrogen haze. Manly hands and hooves are safe at the estrogen-free men’s suite at Spa Avania at the Hyatt Regency Scottsdale Resort at Gainey Ranch. Separating the boys from the men (and the women), Spa Avania has a self-contained men’s lair complete with a flat-screen TV and well-stocked mini bar. Men in need of fancy footwork are swooped off from their private pad into the gender-neutral nail area for a 45-minute Gentlemen’s Pedicure. www.spaavania.com.

Total Package

Despite his red neck and odd habit of clipping his nails when he’s nervous, my adoring husband is the total package (both in my mind and his). For a head-to-heel celebration of your own dude’s total manliness, ship him off for a full day of indulgence at Willow Stream at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess. If it’s any indication of the testosterone tolerance of the new MVP men-only spa suite at Willow Stream, the paint on the walls is called Pumping Iron Gray. Take a four-hour romp in the MVP room with the Hard Work Relief Package, which includes a Therapeutic Massage, Gentleman’s Barber Facial, Sports Pedicure and wraps with a hearty lunch. www.willowstream.com.

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